Wednesday, August 1, 2012

About travels and stories.

There are stories we read, we hear, we see. There is also the story that we must be, tell and live.
It wouldn't surprise one bit if you are wondering why there's this great love and obsession of mine to relate to stories and make them and tell them so much. I must admit that I've always been a story lover and hope to be to a story teller and have all along known that I myself am a story being.
That's why I thought Id let myself take control of the things, characters, adventures and epic battles of my own story, but I realize I would fail not just because I am a bad story maker but just because I am not the maker of my story.
Its the beginning of August and this is my first post of this year, it crazy how time flies by and I am probably the one who dislikes it the most. Today I sat still on a small brown chair at my church, with a swollen ankle, and a swollen heart full of memories. Certain unreality and oddness filled the air, I ran my hands over my arms to make sure it wasn't that I was cold, I wasn't, it was something else. I picked up my feet to place them on the chair in front of me and they were different, the weren't heavy or muddy or sweaty and my back it was light it was not carrying a large backpack and in my hands I had nothing else but my Bible. Then it struck me, heavily and clear, I hadn't been sitting at church on a Wednesday night for a long time since I had been in several mission groups for over seven weeks, in fact I hadnt been home for a while. It felt different it felt good, just bittersweet. 
You may be now wondering why I started telling you about the whole stories deal at the beginning, well once I thought I had the right story, with a story line as perfect as a fantasy book, with enough adventure to be a thriller best seller and enough courage and morals to be an epic hero tale.
But I was left with empty thoughts, blurred images and silent ideas, of what I had always thought was the wise thing to do. Time dear time, and places but most definitely my mind had fooled me to believe I had failed, that I was stuck being in a story I wasn't meant to be in. Perhaps there were times I thought I was lost because I could not be where I had planned to be, or wasn't who I had thought Id be.
That is just why today when I sat  and looked back, I realized how amazing of a story I had been living. How selfish was I to think I deserved something else when in reality I had been given much more.
I sank deep in my memories and I saw it all, travels to the other side of sea, where the ocean brings songs of comfort when your heart feels like sinking. There were faces of ones who many thought were unlucky but who I  more than anyone understand are the most blessed of all, for they smiled and lit up even when the days were dark. There were trails, many of them, and I saw the smiling eyes of tiny people who I would always remember, and  there small fast walking feet accompanying me along these trails. Of course there were the mountains and how I loved them because they stood tall , big and stunning but reminded me that there was yet something greater and better out there. And yes all along there was Him. Light that had fought the most epic of all battles and had won to take me home. And suddenly I had it all, because in reality I do, even if this my story is not yet done, I am sure I need to worry no more because all this time there had been Someone who had carefully written it for me.
That's why I will sit and play a soft song, I just wont close my eyes because there are more great adventures to come. Most gratefully they will take me by surprise and I will smile as they pass on by because the story I once had made, although perfect I thought was the most selfish of them all, but this one a greater, better one because it was made the greatest, most talented of all story tellers.
So definitely if there's more months or years to come where things wont go as I planned, Ill  always rejoice in knowing that more than I deserved, I got.
Most of all I will rejoice in knowing that the Lord has perfect plans for me, and all I can do is lean on Him. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13