Saturday, September 6, 2014

One day, forever.

One day is about enough time. One day to pick up all the pieces of a sinner's life and mend them. One day to carry on with trouble, laughing all in blue as if nothing ever happened. One day to last forever, because we got someone or no one. One day to beleive, to evade the most deceitful lies that beat through our veins. One day to remain the children we were, the men we ought to be. One day to let go, to start again. One day to reach the end but there would still be road a head. One day could last forever. One day for what in that day should be done. One day is today, one day was yesterday, one day will be someday. One day when innocence was clearly not a ghost. One day when we can break the fears that tie us to the rocks. One day when we trade the easy for the impossible. One day when we choose home over any other place. One day when we strum guitars, and sing old songs to kiss goodbye to boring words. One day when we can tell the truth. One day when we leave the dark. One day could last forever. One day for life. One day is about enough time.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

And I think it's gonna rain.

There will be times when you wake up bundled in covers. There will be times when you wake up to the bright welcoming light of a new day. There will be times when the cold wont prevail and sunshine will always cast away the coldness and revive a shivering world. Today coldness won, the sunlight wasn't enough to prevent the windows from being shut and the sky to remain grey, today there were many hands rubbed to prevent the piercing cold from getting into them. Today there were many more steamy mugs than there usually are. A world fought to stay warm. Today was also the near ending of a month, and also the soon to come ending of a year. Lights streamed along window arches and golden decorations were hung on humble homes, and no its not Christmas yet, its only one of those days, you know the kind that seems to last longer than others, the kind were there's enough time to stop and think, and although I might often have these kind of days, today was definitely one of them. I didn't know I was going to be where I was today, nor I did know I was going to be who I was today. The sky though, I knew it was going to be grey today, I heard, someone on the television said it. Today I don'tknow what tomorrow is, where it is, but thanks to today I think I know who I will be. Never have a trusted wishful thinking, but I might give it a try, because today has taught me to do so. Tomorrow I dare to think better things, just let me tell you that for me the coldness is a good thing. Tomorrow, I hope I wake up to a mug filled with some sweet substance, to make my bones spark back to comfort when I leave my bed. Tomorrow, I hope I am home. Tomorrow, I hope there can be birds who defy the weather and sing around my yard, I hope that there will be friends around me. Tomorrow, everything will be different than today in all the ways my wishful thinking hopes so. Tomorrow will be better than many todays and yesterdays, not because they have all been bad but because tomorrows always come, and Im giving in to wishful hoping, and I want tomorrows to be better than todays and yesterdays. So I dare, even if my gut tells me not to do so, hope that tomorrow its gonna be better, in a different place and different coldness and different people. I think tomorrow the sky will be grey, there might not be birds around to sing, there won't be anyone around, there will be enough warm drinks, the air outside will not beat the warmness inside, there will be breathing, living, moving, planning more tomorrows, outside its gonna be a beautiful tone of grey and I think it's gonna rain.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Words like heavy rain.

I’m back and somehow late to blog, it’s always just a refreshing feeling to sit and let my mind be poured on through my fingers to this unique way of "writing". I do beleive this does better good to me as to what I try to "write"(type if I properly say), than to the readers, if by any chance there's any, for I know how complicated it all can seem to be read or understood. Its all part of a , what should I call it?... way of expression that Ive come to find appealing. Today for instance I feel moved by several things for the current act of typing, like the summer breeze that’s hitting my window, the silent house in which my sleepless eyes are currently found at, and happiness in several forms of being. Please stop if by any chance you feel like this is ridiculous or senseless to exceeding levels, as I said before it is not my intention to have you read this and understand it, (but if you do, great) it’s just I need to type kind of like when clouds can’t hold any more rain and its poured out over and you end up having water sprayed through the windows from the abundant rain and wind. As I said the breeze, familiar yet so unknown, I craved for this moment, longed for the feeling of freedom that you can only get when after the end of hot, sweaty day the rain brings in a so inspiriting breeze, and all that you waited feels worth it, and all the you cared for is there, but sometimes that’s not the case, that breeze is just cold air or dry wind, that rain has just let the earth damp, and you feel like you've waited for nothing. Then there’s the silence, a piercing silence, and believe me when I say that silence is the loudest sound there is, it can hurt your ears in greater proportions than anything you can or could’ve thought of,(figuratively speaking of course) and the worst part is you can't silence the silent. Then there's happiness in so many fortunate ways of being , coming as the blessings that I never deserved, the prices that were never earned and joys that are so definitely not my gain. For these latter it is that I am now awake knowing that while the airs breathe different hopes, and the silence pierce through empty words and the world has come to change God is unbeatable, unchangeable and above all beyond merciful and that when I seek for the dark places He'll be there to pull me out, that when I give all the I kept He'll be glad to fill me again. And when I walk upon a changing to world of deep delusion, I can know that I was given life, undeservedly He gave me life then that’s all that matters.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Copan Rooftops

There's little places in the world that steal your heart, there's little times in life that happen so sudden and so unexpected that, truly do nothing else than captivate you, right now I'm living both. I'm sitting under the cloudy sky over the rooftops of Copan, how amazing it is to think I never expected to be here or even imagined it yet it has been perhaps the most amazing week and experience in a while. Im unprepared to leave this and go back to school and all the worries and loads it'll bring but God has been faithful and he has provided a much needed getaway. Tonight these rooftops make me not think of school rooms, books and teaching boards and all these colorful dimly light streets make me forget about everything else so easily. I'm glad God works things the ways he does, tonight more than anytime I'm thankful that I'm not doing whatever I planned on doing. It feels so right to be doing something unexpected and unplanned. Well I guess now its about going back to routines and books and all the things where life is called ordinary, but I'm thankful, I have lived one very extraordinary week, it's all good, God is good. Goodbye, Copan, goodbye Easter break, you have been so unexpectedly captivating.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

About travels and stories.

There are stories we read, we hear, we see. There is also the story that we must be, tell and live.
It wouldn't surprise one bit if you are wondering why there's this great love and obsession of mine to relate to stories and make them and tell them so much. I must admit that I've always been a story lover and hope to be to a story teller and have all along known that I myself am a story being.
That's why I thought Id let myself take control of the things, characters, adventures and epic battles of my own story, but I realize I would fail not just because I am a bad story maker but just because I am not the maker of my story.
Its the beginning of August and this is my first post of this year, it crazy how time flies by and I am probably the one who dislikes it the most. Today I sat still on a small brown chair at my church, with a swollen ankle, and a swollen heart full of memories. Certain unreality and oddness filled the air, I ran my hands over my arms to make sure it wasn't that I was cold, I wasn't, it was something else. I picked up my feet to place them on the chair in front of me and they were different, the weren't heavy or muddy or sweaty and my back it was light it was not carrying a large backpack and in my hands I had nothing else but my Bible. Then it struck me, heavily and clear, I hadn't been sitting at church on a Wednesday night for a long time since I had been in several mission groups for over seven weeks, in fact I hadnt been home for a while. It felt different it felt good, just bittersweet. 
You may be now wondering why I started telling you about the whole stories deal at the beginning, well once I thought I had the right story, with a story line as perfect as a fantasy book, with enough adventure to be a thriller best seller and enough courage and morals to be an epic hero tale.
But I was left with empty thoughts, blurred images and silent ideas, of what I had always thought was the wise thing to do. Time dear time, and places but most definitely my mind had fooled me to believe I had failed, that I was stuck being in a story I wasn't meant to be in. Perhaps there were times I thought I was lost because I could not be where I had planned to be, or wasn't who I had thought Id be.
That is just why today when I sat  and looked back, I realized how amazing of a story I had been living. How selfish was I to think I deserved something else when in reality I had been given much more.
I sank deep in my memories and I saw it all, travels to the other side of sea, where the ocean brings songs of comfort when your heart feels like sinking. There were faces of ones who many thought were unlucky but who I  more than anyone understand are the most blessed of all, for they smiled and lit up even when the days were dark. There were trails, many of them, and I saw the smiling eyes of tiny people who I would always remember, and  there small fast walking feet accompanying me along these trails. Of course there were the mountains and how I loved them because they stood tall , big and stunning but reminded me that there was yet something greater and better out there. And yes all along there was Him. Light that had fought the most epic of all battles and had won to take me home. And suddenly I had it all, because in reality I do, even if this my story is not yet done, I am sure I need to worry no more because all this time there had been Someone who had carefully written it for me.
That's why I will sit and play a soft song, I just wont close my eyes because there are more great adventures to come. Most gratefully they will take me by surprise and I will smile as they pass on by because the story I once had made, although perfect I thought was the most selfish of them all, but this one a greater, better one because it was made the greatest, most talented of all story tellers.
So definitely if there's more months or years to come where things wont go as I planned, Ill  always rejoice in knowing that more than I deserved, I got.
Most of all I will rejoice in knowing that the Lord has perfect plans for me, and all I can do is lean on Him. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Some sorts of endings.

We never realize how fast time goes by. Its until you put up a new calendar on your kitchen wall and then dashing one by one the twelve pages on it flip away and by tomorrow you'll be putting a new one up!
So while you change your calendar or cook dinner for family and friends and I type, the inevitable happens time slowly dies and then you realize everything you once were or anything you once did will no longer be or exist and that is quite true in a way, that's how the whole deal of being a better person and doing new things for a new year heroically exists.
Now while I am the kind of person that believes this is kind of a big deal, after carefully thinking and going back, it isn't necessarily a real ending is it? I mean it doesn't mean that you're gonna change in twenty four hours to be a whole different person or do new things.
The choice is there its not an annual type of a choice only, its more an "always" type of choice.
Tomorrow when I get up I hope I don't choose to be different because I want to feel good or be accepted, I want to do it because I know that I want to do whats right.
So if in two days or two weeks I haven't achieved that, then I hope I don't have to waste my entire year and wait to change again, because its an "always choice" the choice of ending something whenever you want.
Its true anyways that  today is some sort of ending, but not just today or tomorrow is when you can change.

I pray that I live for God and that same way that his mercies are new each day, that Ill try my best to live for Him. I don't just want to feel new and excited the first day of a year I want my entire year to feel like a new day. So I'll keep that in mind.

Well Happy New Year Everyone!

    The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!
    - Lamentations 3:22-24

Sunday, October 23, 2011

When the cold is defeated

Socks, a sweater and a scarf, haven't been enough to fight the hairs on my arms from rising in response to the chilling air that touches them, it has been quite the cold day, actually quite the cold week, which I am glad for. I then, grab a blanket, wrap myself into a cocoon and try to watch a movie but I quickly stop because an action movie is not what I'm in mood for right now. I feel warm but my thoughts go out to everyone who is feeling cold at the moment and all those who even though are warm and cozy like me are feeling cold inside, lonely people who wont have a scarf for their below zero feelings. Because they've lost, because they're lost, because they have no hope. Pretty much everything I think relates to me. Just because I am comfortable and warm doesn't mean I've never been there, both in the physical and spiritual cold.
 The smell of coffee wakes my body from thinking mode, I smile, I realize how warm I feel, I am thankful for all that keeps my body from shivering or aching from the cold, but I am above all other things thankful that whenever this heart feels cold, I can turn to One who has not only words, or "scarves and sweaters" but His amazing presence to ignite the heat in my heart and let me know its all gonna be well. So I smile then jump of the couch to receive a warm cup of coffee which I am extremely thankful for as well.